Tag Archives: Artists

Here Comes The Sun

Today, the sun was shining for the first time in awhile.  I love the dreariness of rainy days, the romance that comes with the gray and dullness.  I love the excuse to stay indoors curled up with a good book and hot cup of tea.  But too much of it drains my energy and good mood.  So, today I got to feel that hopeful feeling again, the one that comes when the sun is cuddling you with its rays.

I crept out of my emotional writing bubble and actually wore my favorite accessory, my smile.  here comes the sun

I spent some time with my best friend, Josh, and that always puts me in a great mood.  It’s really nice to have those equally weird people in your life who can make you laugh…swapping jokes about dinosaurs and making plans to take over the world from your volcano lair full of an army of sloths and crypto creatures.

Life is just funny when you suffer from depression combined with artistic snobbery.  It is literally a roller coaster that you just can’t get off of.  Honestly, I don’t think I would even if I could.  I’m quite unexpectedly happy in my tiny world of fantasy and drama and fictional characters.

So, as I hum Here Comes the Sun, I’ll be waiting for another dreary day spent with a good book, a pile of blank paper and a hot cup of tea.

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Just Above

I have been feeling myself sinking lately.  I feel as if my body is doing the impossible and shrinking into this tiny, invisible breath.  One small gust of wind and I will be swept away and broken down into more microscopic particles that the naked eye cannot recognize.

But somehow in this ocean, this enormous, bottomless blue pit of depression, I am keeping my head just above it.  I am kicking my feet and rowing my arms as fast and hard as I can.  I am proud of that.  I am proud that in the midst of emotional destruction, in the midst of this black hole that is swallowing me, I am still here.  I am still forcing myself to wake up each morning, and I am still breathing.

My senses are in an overdose state from continuous Coldplay, Hozier and City and Colour.  I dance in my kitchen, my long, curly, unkempt hair exploding around me.  This is my natural state, the place where I am most comfortable.  Music pounding against my ear drums as an army would pound against a stone wall in an attempt to forge through and conquer.  I am still kicking, swimming, staying just above.

The monotony of my world, the never ending, robotic torture of being responsible is what I have grown to love.  My heart is deep and full of this passion that has become motherhood, but the passion of that which was a writer has been dwindling on a thin strand, ready to snap at any moment.  I count the seconds before I have lost all of me, becoming unrecognizable.

I grasp tightly to my old self, begging whatever God is there to stop stripping me of what I know, what I am good at, what I am proud of.  Just as I feel the dream slipping through my fingertips, I find some sort of strength and grip even tighter.  They are mine again, these words pouring from my fingers onto the keys of this computer.  I can breathe again.  I see me, and I am proud of where I am.  I am proud to be a writer.  I am proud of keeping my head just above.  I am proud of the monotony.

 

It’s All In A Day’s Work

I love my job.  I love everything it stands for, and I love that every day I get to help people.  Fingers crossed, this will turn into something more permanent, and I will be able to continue working with this organization.  However, writing is my passion.  Ideally, I would love to have a stable job as a writer.

My book sales are great, and every penny from that helps.  But it’s not exactly consistent.  So, I’ve been looking into some freelance writing jobs for extra income.  My pride has been my downfall on this task.  I know I’m a great writer, and I know I can be a success story.  But all the logistics behind finding a freelance writing job are insane!

1)  You HAVE to have a portfolio!

There is no getting around this one.  How have I made it this long without having a portfolio?  I suppose I just never needed one until now.  This is a good thing, though.  It’s forcing me to tread into new territory and go back over all my work, really discovering which pieces are the best.

2)  You should definitely update your resume periodically.

I made a resume years ago, but the types of jobs I’ve worked, they didn’t ask for one.  Then I forgot about it and hid it under a pile of dusty papers that should probably have been filed 5 years ago.  So, now here I am completely redoing a resume just so I can apply for these jobs!

3)  I am not the greatest writer in the world.

For some, this concept is a given.  But a creative person has a bit of self-absorption.  This is a must seeing as no one would ever continue to create art after all of the negative critiques.  You have to believe you are great in order to keep going.  But the other side of this is (for me at least) I am usually in this bubble of my own words, and I don’t recognize other’s talents.  Then when the blinders are removed, and I began actually noticing who I will be competing against, I become instantly intimidated.  This causes me to want to tear up everything I’ve written and start again.  I know, I’m dramatic.

So, today my day will consist of piecing together a portfolio and updating a very old resume.  Yes, this girl is a party animal! 🙂