Tag Archives: Being Happy

Life After Divorce

I’ve been getting lots of emails from people asking what life after divorce is like.  From my point, I can’t answer this yet.  I can tell you what I’ve seen from other divorced friends, but I’m not living a life after divorce.

I have a friend who, after her divorce, met and married an incredible man.  He adopted her daughter, and let’s face it, has been more of a father to the little girl than the bio dad ever was.  My friend is happy and successful, and if her divorce had never happened, she would have never ended up with the man she’s with now.

I also have friends that have divorced, and everything fell apart.  They are so broken that even after years of being single, they are still trying to put the pieces together.

Divorce is hard, and it’s different for every one.

I went to dinner with some friends of mine, a couple and their two children.  I didn’t feel like the fifth wheel because they are awesome at making me feel included.  But then the check came, and the waiter asked if we were all together on one check.  Before I knew it, the words, “I’m by myself” flew out of my mouth.  All of the sudden, I realized that this is my life now…picking up my own checks and hanging out with other couples as “the single friend”.  People giving me that “poor-girl-she’s-going-through-a-rough-spell” look and set-ups with guys that have no other commonality with me except they are single.

Why is it that the moment you are single, your friends think pushing you into another relationship will mend things?  The truth is, I’m not looking for someone to glue me back together.  I’m doing that job quite nicely myself.  And I’m not having a rough spell, in my mind.  Yes, some hard things are happening, but most nights, I go to bed with a smile on face because I know that finally I can go for my dreams and finally I can be me.

So, I have thought about what life after divorce will look like, what it will make me look like.  And I think it will make me look stronger, not a victim.  Every day, I am finding myself again, and that is so exciting!  Will there be another man in my life?  Who knows?  But I’m not waiting around for one.  Will I ever get married again?  Maybe, but I’m not planning a wedding anytime soon.  Besides, I will probably go into the next relationship with eyes WIDE open!

But, like we all have to do, I am taking it one day at a time. 🙂

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It’s Therapeutic

My typical routine on a stressful day would be keeping myself busy with work, the kids and the housework.  Then at the end of the day when everything is quiet and no one can see me, I would snack until my stomach hurts.  Of course this contributed to my weight gain, but I would convince myself that if no one saw me, it never happened.  I would somehow block it out of my memory and continue a lie about how much I eat. 

One day, after having a conversation with a friend about why I couldn’t drop the pounds, she suggested I keep a food journal.  During the day, everything was fine.  I really wasn’t overeating.  Then came night time, and my usual routine was carried out.  I began making notes of everything I was snacking on and reading the calories on the label.  I was in shock!  Who knew that I could each this much? 

Now, I keep a daily food journal and watch my calories.  I also have changed the times of day that I eat.  I rarely eat anything after 8 p.m.  I used to never eat breakfast, but now I am beginning to get used to eating a yogurt and banana every morning.  These are just little changes, but they seem to be helping me in more ways than just weight loss. 

1)  I am sleeping better

2) After nearly a lifetime of stomach troubles that have resulted in many admissions to the hospital, my stomach seems to be calmer than normal

3) I have more energy, which helps me eliminate most of my caffeine intake

4) I just feel better

The past couple of nights, however, I have had trouble sleeping.  It’s probably from stress because I have the wonderful skill of worrying about every little thing that happens (especially those things out of my control).  But when the exhaustion is coupled with the stress of my separation and the stress of my job and the stress of being a mother to 4 children, one with special needs, I find myself wanting to comfort myself with food.

Hi, I’m Abbey, and I’m a food addict!

But instead of cramming Doritos and candy down my throat, I did some extra running.  If anything, the soreness of my body kept me from walking to the fridge for a late night snack! 

Another switch I have made…I am IN LOVE with hazelnut coffee creamer!!!  I have tried the sugar free version, but let’s just face it, I love sugar, too.  So, every morning I would drink a pot of coffee by myself with a lot of hazelnut creamer.  Then my good British friend informed me that I have to start drinking tea.  I’m a pretty picky eater/drinker, but I thought, what the hell?  I’ll give it a try.  Now, I rarely have coffee.  I’m a tea drinker, sweetening it with a bit of honey.  My favorite teas are:  Bigelow Green Tea, Earl Grey, and Bigelow Constant Comment black tea.  I drink these teas all day, mostly in place of snacking. 

So, as usual, I am still just taking it one day at a time, making little changes at a time, and loving every minute of my journey to becoming healthy both physically and mentally!  Good luck on your journey! 🙂